Picture My Wedding

If you've got an iPad or know someone that does, there's a great new wedding planning app out in the app store called Picture My Wedding.  You can use Picture My Wedding to get organized for your wedding in a fun visual way. Choose photos from your photo library or snap some photos when you're out at vendors. Organize items into categories and add notes, prices, etc. Show off all of your dress options to your friends and family using Picture My Wedding. Share your selections via Twitter, Facebook or email.

 

Download this great app from the App Store!

Love and Respect by Marissa Ruehs

When I met my husband, I remember asking my Grandfather the secret to a long and successful marriage.  He jokingly said, " Well, a happy wife is a happy life!"  Then, he looked at my fiance and said, " If you just say yes to all of her requests, you two should be fine."  I knew he was joking, but I was still left with the question, "What is the secret to a successful marriage?"

I recently attended the Love and Respect conference led by husband and wife team Emerson and Sarah Eggerichs.  It was a refreshing look on God's perfect design for marriage, and how we, as Christian husband and wives, can positively and biblically motivate one another.

In a society inundated with messages of equality, feminism, and an "all you need is love" mentality, it is easy to get lost in the marriage shuffle after you walk down the wedding aisle.  After the vows are said, the pictures are taken, and the honeymoon phase starts to fade to a new reality, what is the secret to success in marriage?  Well, according to the Word of God, it's pretty clear!  Ephesians chapter 5:22-33 sums it all up very well.  However, it is verse 33 that really catches my attention: " However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband."  Does it really all come down to an unconditional exchange of Love and Respect?  How do we get past the notion that husband must earn respect and wives should be deserving of love in order to be loved?  According to Rev. Eggerichs, it all has to do with something called the "Crazy cycle" and the "Energizing cycle".

Men have been designed with a God-given need and desire for respect; not only from their peers, but specifically from their wives.  In fact, they desire unconditional respect, which is a foreign concept in our society!  As stated by Emerson, this world has given the wife a license to say, " I love him, but I don't respect him."  Is this not equal to a husband saying to a wife, "I respect you, but I do not love you."?  When a wife disrespects her spouse, his response is not to show her love, which is the woman's greatest need. And so the cycle continues.  This is called the "Crazy Cycle."  This cycle is detrimental to any marriage, and often times can starve the couple from God's plan in their relationship.

The "Energizing Cycle" is just the opposite!  Rev. Eggerichs has concluded, " Love empowers a husband to energize his wife, and respect empowers a wife to energize her husband."  Sounds simple, doesn't it?  Well, a few key factors play into this healthy cycle.  Husbands, the following list is for you, taken from the outline given by Rev. Eggerichs.

CLOSENESS: WHEN YOU WANT TO BE WITH HER FACE TO FACE
OPENNESS: WHEN YOU ARE NOT SECRETLY MAD AT HER
UNDERSTANDING: WHEN YOU EMPATHIZE WITH HER
PEACEMAKING: WHEN YOU FORGIVE HER
LOYALTY: WHEN YOU ARE COMPLETELY COMMITTED TO HER
ESTEEM: WHEN YOU RESPECT HER ABOVE ALL ELSE


Wives, here is your list.

CULTIVATE: APPRECIATE HIS DESIRE TO WORK AND ACHIEVE
HIERARCHY: APPRECIATE HIS DESIRE TO PROTECT AND PROVIDE
AUTHORITY: APPRECIATE HIS DESIRE TO BE STRONG AND TO LEAD
INSIGHT: APPRECIATE HIS DESIRE TO TEACH
RELATIONSHIP: APPRECIATE HIS DESIRE FOR A SHOULDER TO SHOULDER FRIENDSHIP
SEX: APPRECIATE HIS DESIRE FOR SEXUAL INTIMACY

If we want successful, joy-filled, satisfying marriages, then we must not follow the marriage advise of the world.  As Christians, we are called to follow God's instructions for marriage!  Is it easy? No!  But remember, we can do all things in Christ, who strengthens us!

Marissa Ruehs

More information can be found through Love and Respect Ministries, INC.

The 5 Love Language: Acts of Service

For many of us, servanthood comes easy. We find joy in cooking for others, raking leaves and hosting parties. We are the first one to volunteer, stay late to clean up, and take on nursery duty. For others of us, we haven’t got a clue. Maybe we don’t have the time or energy to serve others, not even our spouse.

Acts of service is doing things you know your spouse would like you to do. You seek to please by serving, to express your love by doing things for your spouse.

Examples of Acts of Service:

• Unloading the dishwasher
• Changing the cat’s litter box
• Vacuuming
• Paying the bills
• Dealing with landlords and insurance companies

All of these acts require thought and planning. Those whose love language is act of service appreciate when you go out of your way to do something that needs to be done.

Many times, frustration and anger come into play when we make demands instead of requests. It is also important you are specific with what you need help with. Your spouse may want to help out around the house, but may not know where to start. You can jot down a list of things you need/want done.

Practical Tips:

• Have your spouse make a list of 10 things he/she would like you to do. Spend a month doing all of these things.
• If your spouse is the cook, do the dishes.
• Pick a room at home to do a major clean-up/organization. Post a note on the door: “To (Name) with love”

The 5 Love Languages: Quality Time

Quality time is more about quality than time. We can watch television with our spouse. We can sit in the same room as them, but loving your spouse is taking it to the next step. Creating quality time with your spouse is all about creating quality conversation.

It’s not enough for you to be home together in the evenings. If your spouse desires quality time, you need to talk about her/his day- commenting, listening and showing interest. You need to take a moment with your spouse before you are bombarded with children, dinner plans and activities.

Gary Chapman says, “Quality conversation means sympathetic dialogue when two individuals are sharing their experiences, thoughts, feelings, and desires in a friendly, uninterrupted context. “ It may be for easy for you to “talk” to your spouse, but harder to share feelings, thoughts and desires. Challenge yourself to be intimate in conversation with your spouse.

Practical Tips:
• Maintain Eye Contact
• Give undivided attention: no music, television, phone, computers
• Listen for Feelings
• Observe Body Language
• Refuse to interrupt

Along with intimate conversation, it is important do quality activities together. Be willing to do a 5000-piece puzzle together, not because you love puzzles but because you love being with your spouse. If you can make time for meals and exercise, you can make time for intimate conversation and quality activities. Set aside time each week to spend an intimate night with your spouse. Plan a night at the driving range, a romantic restaurant, or a cozy bookstore.

The 5 Love Languages: Words of Affirmation

‘Words of Affirmation’ is not just about kind words. Mark Twain may say, “I can survive for two months on a good compliment,” but your spouse may need more than just a couple of complements.

Encouraging Words: We each have areas in our lives where we lack courage. Through our spouse’s encouragement, we can reach our full potential. Through encouraging words, we can show our spouse we believe in their abilities. (Example: You are a great guitar player; you should find an open mic night in town. I think others would really enjoy your music.)

Kind Words: We have the choice to speak in anger or in kindness. We have the option of justice or forgiveness. When we choose kindness and forgiveness, we choose love. When your spouse has wronged you, show mercy. (Example: Your words really hurt me, but I will not let those words damage our marriage.)

Humble Words: When we demand something of our spouse, we are not involved in a partnership. When we make demands of our spouse, we forfeit intimacy. We can affirm our spouse’s worth and abilities by making requests. (Example: I really love that pasta you made last week, can you make it again?)

If your spouse’s Love Language is ‘Words of Affirmation’:
• Remember: Words are important.
• Set a goal to compliment your spouse each day for one month.
• Write your spouse a love letter.
• Compliment your spouse in front of parents and friends (double points).

“Boundaries in Marriage” by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend

This book offers some powerful guidelines for creating and sustaining a Christ-centered, thriving, productive marriage. “Marriage is a lot of work. Period.” If couples are willing to pour their hearts into this hard work, the marriage not only sustains but grows and deepens.

If marriage is not all about happiness, than what is it about? This book provides six values that work to produce great boundaries in marriage.

• Love God first, with all of your heart, mind, soul and strength.
• Loving your spouse: Seeking the best for the other person no matter whether they deserve it or not.
• Honesty, accompanied by enough grace to hear and deal with the truth it brings.
• A Faithful spouse is one who be trusted, depended upon, and believed in, and one in whom you can rest.
• Compassion and Forgiveness - no failure is larger than grace.
• Pursuing Holiness means that you and your spouse pursue becoming the kind of people who can produce true love and life.

This book also offers ideas for protecting your spouse/marriage and how to resolve conflicts. The authors always point the readers to the Truth of the Bible. The author states, “When loving God is our orienting principle in life, we are always adjusting to what He requires from us.” Along with Scripture, the authors also share many stories of real couples. These stories address couple’s questions and struggles about marriage.

This is a great book to read as a couple, and a great opportunity to answer questions about yourself and your spouse. It could be life-changing to go through when you are engaged, and also a beneficial read later in marriage, when you’ve both grown as individuals and as a couple and gotten to know each other better!

The Five Love Languages

In the next few weeks, we will be looking at the 5 love languages: Physical Touch, Acts of Service, Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, and Receiving Gifts. Whether you are preparing for marriage or you have been married for many years, it is vital you and your partner explore how each express and interpret love.

In his book, “The 5 Languages”, Gary Chapman says, “The need for love is primary human emotional need. For love, we will climb mountains, cross seas, traverse desert sands, and endure untold hardships. Without love, mountains become unclimbable, seas uncrossable, deserts unbearable, and hardships our lot in life.”

In our marriages, each of us long to feel loved and appreciated. Chapman says, “We feel secure when we are assured that our mate accepts us, wants us, and is committed to our well-being.” If we understand our mate’s language of love, we can better understand how to make them feel accepted, wanted, and loved.

Stayed tuned for a further explanation of the Love Languages. You can read about the love languages in Gary Chapman’s book: The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to a Love that Lasts. You can also find a love language assessment on the 5 Love Languages website.